Kitsune's Bratva
by scarface101
Summary: Summary to be added. Please Read and Review. To all flamers, Zero fuqs given. Warning: Bashing of some Characters. Naruto x Harem. Some Multi-xover.


**A/N: Sorry for the long wait my readers. Anyways, decided to take a break from Keys to the Kingdom, and wanted to try this fic out, seeing as how there aren't that many good Naruto x Black Lagoon xovers. Please leave lots of reviews and feedback, which help a great deal. And please... don't waste your reviews just to tell me about my inconsistent updates. I know I have a problem. Hope you enjoy the new post.**

 **Chapter one: Prologue.**

It was the early hours of the morning in Konoha, and a rare sight was within the village... a vehicle. Several in fact. A black car and a few trucks were driving up to the orphanage until they came to a sudden stop in front of the building. Men, heavily armed with assault rifles, shotguns, and so on filed out of the vehicles. A man with a scar across his face opened the door to the black car, allowing for a blonde woman covered in Scars to exit.

A cigar was between her fingers as she spoke to her men. "Keep this clean and professional gentlemen. We are here for one thing only. Let's not make too big a mess of things." She spoke in an even tone and signaled her men to surround the building, three of her men following her to the door as the Orphanage manager came running out.

"What is this? What are you people all doing here?" Manager yelled as he stormed his way towards the blonde woman, the soldiers grabbed him and pinned him to the ground, one of them pointing the barrel of his rifle at the man's head.

"No need for a fuss Mr. Manager. We are here for just one thing. A very particular orphan. He'll be about one year old by now. He is called Naruto Uzumaki." She spoke to the manager as she took a drag from her cigar, blowing smoke from her lips.

"What? Why do you want that demon brat?" The manager spoke as he tried to struggle beneath his captors, only to be hit on the head by the butt of a rifle.

"Demon brat? Is that what you call him? I always hated this backwater village far more than Roanupur. It might be a lawless town, but at least the people there can tell the difference between the sword and its sheath. As for what I want with him, he is my responsibility as his godmother, obviously." She casually replied as she walked inside the orphanage and snapped her fingers, a gunshot being heard as blood sprayed out in a fine mist from the head of the now deceased manager.

Once inside, she could hear the sounds of crying and whimpering from underneath the reception desk, prompting her to knock on the top of it a few times. "Come on out, or do I need to ask one of my men to drag you out?" She asked in polite manner, though there was still the obvious threatening intent in her voice. At her question, a secretary came out, shaking like a leaf in the wind as she held her hands up in surrender.

"Much better. My name is Balalaika. Your manager was quite rude, so I had him shot like an animal. Would you be so kind as to tell me where one Naruto Uzumaki is?" The blonde woman asked as she blew smoke in the secretary's face. The poor girl gulped as she pointed a shaky finger down the hallway and answered with a fear-laced voice "T-th-that way. Room e-el-eleven."

The russian woman merely gave a nod of thanks, and then noticed that the young woman's face kept growing paler until she went limp and fainted, falling to the floor in a heap. "Pick the young lady up. See that she's made nice and comfortable for being so cooperative." She spoke to her men behind her, who all nodded and carried the unconcious woman to the nearest couch in the waiting area while their boss walked down the hall towards room Eleven.

She opened the door and found numerous infants all tucked away into their cribs. Her eyes scanned the clipboards one by one until she found the one marked 'Naruto Uzumaki'. With a triumphant smile, she picked him up and held him close to her chest, her face almost beaming as she saw his peacefully sleeping face. "Hello there little one. You are absolutely adorable. Welcome to your new Bratva*. Starting today, I shall be your godmother and your Pakhan*."

 **Years later.**

"So let me get this straight, you want me, to go back to the place that hates my guts, and start my own branch of Hotel Moscow there? I don't mind the occassional visit to familiarize myself with my roots and to connect with some of my Mother's friends but... I'm still not at all welcome there." Asked the form of a now twelve year old blonde as he sat across from his godmother. Having grown up under the tutelage of the former Spetznaz, he had developed a slim yet muscular body of a swimmer and wore an all black trench coat with a crimson tank top, jeans, and combat boots. At his sides were a pair of black revolvers with gold engravings, with the emblem of a scorpion on the handles.

"That is correct. I have already established myself in Roanupur, but the Elemental Nations where your mother lived is very reclusive, it practically doesn't exist as far as the world is concerned. But then, that shouldn't be much of a problem for you since you already have a veritable gang at your disposal already, comprised of highly capable and deadly individuals." She explained to him with a smirk as she lit a fresh cigar.

"A Misanthropic girl with horns, a blue haired Ice Queen Sadist, a pink haired high schooler with attachment issues, a blonde knife user with a twisted view of friendship, a Lesbian serial killer, a fake nun with a fiery temper, a chainsaw wielding cleaner, a bubbly albino girl with identity issues, a nymphomaniac nurse lady, a cyborg chick with an attack dog and a rape fetish, a samurai girl waifu that loves to beat up people, a booze loving catgirl Assassin, are all part of my 'gang'. So to speak. And... is it weird that they're all women and I'm the only guy?" The blonde boy replied with a dead-pan expression since he was infamously known to have a group of skilled but highly erratic female personalities at his command.

"Indeed. But they all listen to you. You have a talent for being able to maintain control over some of the most dangerous and unpredictable individuals. And frankly, another reason why I must send you back to Konoha, is because our competition has been getting more and more nervous with your group. So I need to send you away to keep the peace and maintain order. A gang war would be most undesirable at this current time." She replied with an annoyed sigh, if she had her way, she'd be steamrolling some of the more annoying gangs away like the Italian mob. At least Mr. Chang had some respect and knew to keep away from Hotel Moscow.

"Honor among thieves huh? Thought that was a fairy tale type thing. Regardless, it'll be interesting to set up shop back home. Who knows? Maybe I can somehow figure out what happened to her. Anything else, we need to discuss before I start packing up?" he asked as he lazily yawned and stretched his arms out.

"Da. If you do a good job of expanding Hotel Moscow's influence..." She spoke then left the sentence hanging as she got up, then sat herself down on top of her desk, slipping off her heels and continued to speak "I'll be sure to express my gratitude. And give you a nice and juicy reward." She finished and planted a stocking covered foot on his crotch, rubbing her surprisingly soft soles against it, earning a low moan from the boy.

"Who would have figured that the notorious Balalaika was a pedophile?" The whiskered teen asked as his godmother leaned forward and blew smoke into his face with a small smirk forming from her lips.

"Back in the olden days, people would marry young since they knew life could be harsh and short. The villages of the Elemental Nations train children to be soldiers, by their logic, if you're old enough to kill or be killed, then you can also drink and fuck. So who says we can't indulge ourselves in Konoha? Many boys your age start to take notice of females. Some take notice of the older ones, with their large breasts, their thick asses, and so on. I think you boys refer to them as 'Milfs' or 'Cougars' nowadays. I like the idea of being a Cougar preying on a young boy. Not that many men out there that can look me in the eyes and speak normally to me. Most men are intimidated by a domineering woman like me." Balalaika explained as a blush formed on her cheeks, kneading the boys crotch even harder.

She giggled when she felt a noticeable bulge form in his pants, that looked almost ready to burst. "Wouldn't you enjoy that though? Imagine this, me and you, all alone in a dark room, a love hotel maybe. And I am riding your cock, screaming at the top of my lungs in pleasure, while you are gripping my ass or breasts, giving me every last ounce of semen in your balls until we are completely spent." She continued to speak, seeing that her godson was getting hot and bothered by her ministrations. So she lifted her foot back up and crossed one leg over the other.

"But you'll have to earn that right first. Then we can have as much fun as we want." She spoke and took another drag from her cigar, grinning to herself that she had control over her godson. It was so much fun messing with him while he was still suffering from teenage hormones.

"I love you, but there are also times when I hate you. Especially whenever you tease me ." The boy complained with a sigh, trying to his the blush on his face.

"The feelings mutual. But, all sexual teasing aside, there is one other thing I wanted to give you before you go. I found someone else to be apart of your gang." The Russian woman spoke as she pushed a buzzer and asked for someone called 'Revy' to be sent inside. After a few moments, a purple haired woman entered with a disgruntled expression.

"Hey there Sis. What's up? You sent some pretty big money my way for a long-term job. What's the deal?" The woman called Revy asked with a sigh, scratching the back of her head as she walked past the whiskered teen, not even acknowledging his presence.

"Yes, about that. You see, Hotel Moscow is working to expand its interests in a new country that is practically devoid of any real organized crime if you can believe that. I thought that the group we're sending could use a little extra muscle, so we are hiring you on for the time being. Don't worry, Dutch and the others will be sent your way eventually once the groundwork has been laid out." Balalaika explained with a small smile, placing her cigar between her lips.

"Kay. Sounds like boring work, but work has been slow. Money's money and all that fucking jazz. So who's the guy I'm supposed to be working for anyway?" Revy asked with a bored expression, then noticed that the Russian boss was pointing to the answer. Following the direction of the scarred woman's finger, she saw it was some kid with whisker marks on his face.

"Umm... Sis? Am I being punked right now? It's not April fucking fools day, is it?" Revy asked as she tried to remember the current date.

"Nyet. I don't believe you have met. This is my godson, Naruto Uzumaki. His mother mysteriously vanished after he was born so I took him in and looked after him. He may be young, but he can handle himself. You might have heard the rumors of an apparent 'Clusterfuck gang', so named because of it being comprised of crazy people. He's in charge of it. Though officially, it is a group affiliated with Hotel Moscow." The Ex-Spetznaz explained as she blew some smoke from her lips.

"You are seriously fucking with me... no fucking way. I don't do fucking babysitting jobs. I'm not going to look after some kid that thinks he looks like hot shit and was born with a silver spoon up his ass." Revy growled out, but the blonde boy casually drew one of his revolvers and flipped out the cylinder, taking out the bullets one by one until there was just a single bullet remaining.

"Please. Don't insult me just because I'm a kid. I get enough guff from asshole mobsters that think everything is a dick measuring contest. For the record, I earned my place in Hotel Moscow. By the time I was five, I was disassembling and reassembling military grade weaponry. When I was seven, I learned how to drive tanks, helicopters, airplains, and cars. By the time I was ten, I trained in Close Quarters combat till my bones cracked and wrestled down guys two or three times my size. And you know what separates me from the aforementioned mobsters? I'm willing to put my money where my mouth is." The blonde spoke as he slammed his revolver on the desk, then produced a quarter from seemingly nowhere.

"Heads or tails Revy?" He asked with a smirk. The female gunslinger grinning as she thought about how this kid had some balls on him to challenge her to a game of Russian Roulette. It'd be interesting to see him chicken out of pulling the trigger or piss his pants if he did.

"Don't blame me if your fucking noggin explodes. Heads." She replied, prompting the boy to flip the coin... and it landed on her desired choice, meaning that Naruto would be going first. With a grin, he picked up the revolver and gave the chamber a spin before cocking back the hammer and placing the barrel against his head.

"Hey Revy? What's the secret to good comedy?" The blonde asked with a grin, and then he pulled the trigger causing a 'click' sound. "Timing." he stated, to answer his earlier question.

He pulled back the hammer again as he casually scratched his nose and asked her "And what is courage?" once more he pulled the trigger, causing the hammer to click, but no gunshot followed as he answered his own question "Grace under pressure. AND! Who. Is. The. Fucking. Boss?" He asked her ask he pulled the trigger, making the third click. And again he pulled back the hammer and fired, a fourth click. And he repeated the procedure again... causing a fifth click. And still no gunshot came.

Finally, he shoved the pistol into Revy's breasts and stared at her dead in the eyes. The purple haired gunslinger swallowed hard, as beads of sweat formed on her skin. She hanged her head in defeat, knowing that she had been beaten in one fell swoop. "You're the boss. Gotta say... you have some nice balls on you. How the hell do you walk with those huge ass brass balls between your legs?" She asked him with a hearty laugh and smacked him on the shoulder, having a newfound respect for the kid. The boy smiled in response and then holstered his revolver.

"Glad to see that the conflict between you has been resolved. Now get a move on... and Naruto? There's just one other thing... " Balalaika spoke as she gave a venomous smile, knowing that her godson was going to hate this next part.

"What? A cover story or something? You didn't put me in as some schoolkid with a class filled with hormonal fangirls and angsty teenage emos right?" He asked her with a raised eyebrow... all of a sudden... he felt like his testicles wanted to shrink into his body. Which proved to be a very, very, bad omen.

"So sorry... but I have already made arrangements with the Hokage." The Blonde woman answered with a dark grin on her face. Knowing that the boy was going to suffer immensely.

 **Weeks later.**

"This... fucking... sucks." Moaned the form of Naruto as he rested his head against his desk. Apparently, to be labeled as a 'legal adult' he needed to pass the Shinobi Academy's exam and become a ninja of the Village. And of all the classes, it seemed as though he literally got put into the absolute worst class in the entire Academy. And he got placed next to a pink haired howler monkey Fangirl thing, and an Emo that thinks he's Kami's gift to the world or something. Oh, and let's not forget the teachers that gleefully seem ready to suck off the Emo at a moment's notice.

"Balalaika? Come hell, or high water, I will fuck you until you go blind and then you can orgasm your way into a mini-coma." He grumbled under his breath, cursing his godmother for this. Still... it did provide him with one oppurtunity. The kids of a bunch of clans or other important people were here.

Hinata Hyuuga, Shikamaru Nara, Chouji Akamichi, Ino Yamanaka, Shino Aburame, and Kiba Inuzuka were all the kids of their respective Clan's leaders. Sasuke Uchiha, the Academy's golden boy, was the sole surviving Uchiha within Konoha and everyone wanted to kiss up to him because of it. And Sakura Haruno was the daughter of Konoha's Civilian Council Leader, Kizashi, who was seemingly obsessed with the Uchiha fortune and desperately wanted a piece of that pie. So he'd been trying to get his daughter hooked up with Sasuke.

That'd probably explain why the pink haired girl was so over the top in her 'love' for the Uchiha. And on another note... what the hell was wrong with Sasuke's weird taste in haircuts? The mop on his head resembled a duck's ass for crying out loud! And no one was saying anything about it?

The bell finally rang, signalling the end of school making the blonde boy sigh in relief. As the kids began to file out of the classroom, Naruto felt a hand gripping his shoulder rather tightly. "Look, I am not in the mood. I have been wasting precious hours of my life, listening to that asshat Iruka's stale and worn out history lectures. And I am sick of being called out, every time I kick that Sasuke guy's ass in Class spars." He spoke in clear annoyance, wishing that he was back in Roanupur with the adults and mobsters instead of these crazy ass kids.

"I don't care. Ever since you showed up, Sasuke-kun has been more and more miserable since you keep on outshining him." Spoke the familiar voice of Sakura Haruno.

"Oh, for the love of god. Unlike Sasuke, I don't feel the need to prove what a bigshot I am by bullying kids weaker than me in Spars or to show off. I just want to get the work done, and get the fuck out of here as fast as I can. If he wants to beat me, then he just needs to work and train harder like everyone else." The whiskered teen spoke in frustration as he swatted her hand away from his shoulder.

"Oh really? My dad said to me that an Orphan called Naruto Uzumaki was taken from an Orphanage. The manager's brains were blown out too. And now, some kid with the same name just happened to show up at the Academy?" Sakura questioned with a growl.

"So? Makes no difference to me. I don't know anything about that. And that's kinda funny how you're getting all up in my business. I wonder when you're going to need to tell your daddy how things are going with the Uchiha, and if you'll get a beating or a scolding. Doesn't feel nice when someone else does it huh?" The blonde stated, pointing out the large bruises on her arm, making her cover them and slap him clean across the face with a loud smack. Tears started to fill her eyes a bit as her lip quivered in anger.

"Asshole." She spoke, barely above a whisper and then stormed off with the remainder of the class watching the scene in discomfort. "Sticks and Stones, Sakura. Sticks and Stones." The whiskered teen spoke, more to himself as he too departed to head home for the day. Guess it was time to start planning his next move while he waited for Graduation day.

 **Later. Uzumaki estate.**

"Gotta hand it to my mother... she had good taste. And it was awful nice of her to leave me a swanky estate along with a nice inheritance. And what did my father leave me? Some pretty words on paper." Naruto muttered as he sat on his desk and crumpled a goodbye letter from his father and dissmissively threw it into a nearby trashcan.

"Wow. What an ass. Your daddy sounds like a cuck." Spoke the form of Eda as she yawned in boredom while some of the whiskered teen's other subordinates were strewn about the office who were all equally bored.

"Fucking hell. What's wrong with this village? It's like everyone's got a stick up their ass or something. And why the fuck are all the men here so fucking pervy? I must have had at least twelve different guys ask me to service them cuz they thought I was a fucking hooker." Revy spoke with a growl, munching on a slice of pizza to eat away at her frustrations.

"You almost killed that 'Toad Sage' guy." Spoke an electronic voice belonging to Sawyer the cleaner with the usage of a wrap-around electro-larynx. Remembering that she had to stop Revy from shooting the man's balls off and causing an incident... though she probably should have let the volatile Gunslinger do it anyway.

"Hey. The Frog fucker definitely had a rapist vibe since he kept trying to grope my ass." Revy spit back as she chugged back some booze and let out a small belch.

"Well Revy... your choice of outfits don't leave much to the imagination, most especially with your ass. And here in this backwater continent, you don't have a reputation as of yet, so expect unwitting idiots trying to hit on." Spoke one Kuroko Koumori with a lewd smile as she licked her lips with her unusually long tongue.

"Ohhhhh. Okay. I'll give ya that." Revy muttered in defeat as she reached up inside her shirt and scratched at the valley of her breasts, uncaring about any real modesty or manners.

"Can we focus here people? Anyone got word about the workings of this village? I never spent enough time here to know who's really running things besides the Sandaime. Kinda need more specific details." Naruto asked with a sigh. Ever since they had arrived in Konoha, his gang had almost nothing to do on their hands so they mostly ate, napped, or just gossiped about who'd be the one to pop his cherry when he became a 'legal adult'. And some of the more volatile members, like Revy for example... were like a powder keg waiting to explode. They'd need some kind of release, and soon.

"I do." Spoke the form of Leone as her kitty ears twitched, a file now in her hands as she approached the desk and gave her report of the situation. "Me, Esdeath, and Shoko have been poking around, and here's what we've learned. The absolute, most crooked man in Konoha is Kizashi Haruno himself. The current head of the Civilian Council. Back in the day, he was a Shinobi, but was dishonorably discharged by his unit leader for attempting to rape Prisoners of War. And here's the kicker... his Unit leader was Kushina 'The Evil' Uzumaki." Leone paused to let the information sink in, her fellow blonde now resting his head against a loosely closed fist.

"That would certainly explain a few things. Balalaika said that my mother would mercilessly butcher, maim, and torture her victims. But Rape was where she drew the line. She had zero tolerance for rape. Must have been a miracle that Kizashi's still alive today. Keep going Leone." Naruto spoke, gesturing for the feline assassin to continue.

"After being discharged, Kizashi started to make his money by becoming a loan shark. Once he gained enough wealth, and sunk enough of his 'clientele' into debt, he basically bought his way into the Civilian Council. Since then, he's been buying or bullying his way into various businesses. Restaurants, stores, banks, and so on. From those businesses, he demands a large percentage of their profits, plus protection fees to keep the local Yakuza gangs off their backs. Most recently he's started taking up an Anti-Shinobi stance, but this is all likely another money-making scam. Needless to say... Kizashi's most likelyone of the most hated men in Konoha, if not the Elemental Nations." Leone reported, slamming the file down on her boss' desk with a grumble.

"Not to mention the rumors about him trying to get at the Uchiha fortune. And I wasn't aware that Konoha had Yakuza gangs." Naruto muttered as he leaned back in his seat and clasped his hands behind his head with a curious expression on his face.

At his statement, a woman with blue hair spoke up "I looked into that myself. These 'Yakuza' are just groups of thugs, delinquents, and bullies that call themselves Yakuza to make themselves look bigger and badder than they actually are. Most of which get paid by Kizashi to make trouble in case he's not given his money by the people he's suckered into working for him."

"That's interesting. Does Kizashi have any frequent haunts or stomping grounds? Aside from the Council chamber and his home?" Naruto asked with a curious expression, hoping to find out how he could really ruffle the man's feathers.

"The Golden Leaf Restaurant. Most prestigious Five Star restaurant in Konoha. The kind where important people get put on a list, and where everyone else needs to reserve a table weeks or even months in advance. Word is, that Kizashi has his own private table there with his name on it. Literally." Esdeath answered with a cold smile, seeing that the wheels were turning inside the boss' head.

"Who's he got backing him?" The whiskered teen asked, prompting a woman in a lab coat named Shoko Sugimoto to answer his question.

"The Civilian Council obviously, who are mostly a bunch of leeching sycophants that follow his every word. The Elder Councils usually back him up whenever it is of benefit to them, though they like to keep him at arms distance. Rumor has it, that Kizashi's been trying to gain favor with the Daimyo, but nothing solid has been established." Shoko replied with a sly smile, very eagerly awaiting how her boss would respond.

"Okay. So Kizashi has no real friends. And the majority of his allies are a bunch of lapdogs or parasites. It would seem that the source of Kizashi's power, is his wealth and position. But if we cut him off from the former, then he'll lose everything. If we want to take over these Nations, we need to look like a legit business. We need fronts, we need political power and diplomatic immunity. My mother left me an extremely large fortune but that won't last forever if carelessly spent... but I know how to get us started.

Spread the word, that there's a new buyer in town. Me obviously, but don't spread my name around. I'm willing to buy out the places Kizashi owns up front with cold hard cash. I'll only take fifteen percent of their profits, plus the needed protection fees, the latter of which will be of a more flexible state depending on the business. We're gonna run that prick straight out of business before he knows what's up... and somebody call up the Golden Leaf. I wanna talk to the owner. You wait there Revy... I have something else in mind for you." the blonde boy spoke, prompting his varying subordinates to get to work in spreading the needed word around. And Revy herself plopped back down on the couch with a grumble.

As they left out the door, he picked up a nearby telephone and dialed a number. He waited for a few moments until the phone was answered by a female voice on the other end. "Hey there! Yeah, I know it has been too long. I meant to greet you sooner, but you were off on a mission. Now that you're back in town... you want to help me make a certain someone cry like a bitch?" The blonde spoke into the phone with an almost demonic grin. Revy couldn't help but shudder for a brief second... because there were times when the boss was a total Savage... and this looked like one of them.

 **A Week later. Golden Leaf Restaurant.**

Just outside, the famous restaurant, Mebuki Haruno sighed deeply as she walked alongside her husband for today was their anniversary. Once again they would be seated at their usual table and basically piss away Kizashi's ill-earned money for the expensive meal. While the food their was fantastic, Mebuki was tired of the rich food, wishing for something a bit more... down-scaled. Right now, she felt more like a trophy wife that was being flaunted as a kind of status symbol than a woman being taken out for her anniversary.

As they approached the entrance, Kizashi has this proud smile on his face as he approached the receptionist who had 'the list' in hand and spoke "Kizashi Haruno. Good to see you again Hiro-san." Mebuki couldn't help but roll her eyes when her husband spoke with such familiarity, showing just how often he visited the Golden Leaf.

Hiro barely even looked at the clipboard in his hand and replied stiffly "Sorry sir... you're no longer on the list." At that statement, Kizashi's smile fell almost instantly, his face now contorted in shock while his wife raised in eyebrow, wondering what was going on.

After a few moments, the pink haired man started to smile again, letting out a small laugh as he spoke "Okay, okay, Hiro-san. That was a pretty good joke. Now let's not dilly-dally, today is the anniversary of me and my wife's wedding. You should know that, I called ahead of time to prepare tonight's dinner."

The receptionist merely gave the pink haired man a blank look, his face an unreadable expression as he answered "No jokes here sir. Just recently, The Golden Leaf has come under new management. The new owner in question made some changes to the preferred clientele and VIP listings... and you are no longer on them. And... by extension, you no longer have your usual table."

"I... WHAT?! Who's the new owner? I demand to speak with him or her, immediately!" Kizashi roared angrily, his face burning crimson in outrage as his wife held him back in case he tried to attack the receptionist.

"You're in luck sir, the new owner specifically requested to meet with you after you had called the Golden Leaf." Hiro replied with a somewhat snarky expression as he guided the couple inside the restaurant which was currently barren and empty which was quite unusual. They then went up to the second floor which had private VIP boxes, each marked with said VIP's name.

And at last... they arrived at the door that once held Kizashi's name, the golden nameplate now having been removed. The Pink haired man, dryly swallowed as he opened the door for himself and his wife and entered inside... then they gaped at the sight before them. Sitting at the table was the form of Naruto Uzumaki, dressed in a red and black business suit as he cut into a steak. Sitting at his sides were two women with purple hair. One they recognized as being Anko Mitarashi, the (in)famous Snake mistress, and some other woman that they didn't recognize, both of whom were wearing black dresses that showed off an almost inappropriate amount of cleavage.

"Goddamn! Best Idea ever Foxy-kun! This Revy chick's a riot! I think we might be secret sisters or something!" Anko spoke in a boistrous manner as she chugged back some Sake. The Gunslinger giggling as a blush formed on her face as she poured herself another cup of booze as well.

"I fucking hate dressing up and shit... but you're all right Anko-chan." Revy spoke as the two clinked their saucers together and drank more Sake.

"Two violent Purple haired, busty babes with anger issues. Yup. You two are likely related somehow. And look! We have visitors. The Harunos no less." Naruto spoke, pointing out the presence of the two, making his female companions giggle almost menacingly.

"What the hell is this? What're you doing here brat?" Kizashi asked in a mixture of shock and anger, seeing the demon brat sitting at HIS table made him clench his fists tightly until his knuckles became white.

"Funny story. While you have been busy puffing your chest and trying to make yourself look and sound all important in the Council chambers, me and my people have been going around buying up all your business interests and such. All those people you have been milking dry? They were more than happy to jump ship when they learned there was someone far more reasonable to do business with. I also looked into the Golden Leaf and spoke to the previous Owner.

Turns out, he had this little problem. He could no longer get a very specific kind of 'medicine'. So I told him I could hook him up with some people to get it, and boy... was he quick to lower the price of purchasing the Golden Leaf for me. By the time I was done haggling, I bought this place with pocket change. And so, I removed you from the VIP list and all that... oh and the table? I just took your table for myself just to be an asshole. But at least I'm honest about it." The blonde explained while his two companions continued to drink their alcoholic beverages.

"You... that's not possible. You're just some little demon brat that's been..." Before Kizashi could even finish his sentence, the boy had risen from his seat with a devilish grin and pointed his steak knife towards the Ex-Shinobi in a threatening manner.

"Tut, tut, there old man. I may be a bit of a brat, but you're just a washed up bastard that's trying to act all important. Your time is done. In a week, maybe two if you're lucky, you'll be out on the streets begging for spare change. While I will be enjoying the finer things of life. Food, money, and when I'm a full fledged Shinobi, booze and sex. I am fairly certain, that if it wasn't for my godmother saving me, you would have tried to make my very existence as miserable as possible out of spite for my mother, wherever she is. That about right?" The blonde boy asked as he slowly sat himself back down and placed the knife back down, his eyes never leaving the Harunos.

"You... I won't forget this. I'll make you pay dearly for this!" Kizashi growled out through gritted teeth, his eyes blazing with fury.

"You want to try something? Go right ahead. Make my day. I'll have you gutted like a pig and say it was Self-defense. Anko-san here will be my alibi, and I'm pretty sure the Sandaime willl take the word of a respected Kunoichi and the number two of the T&I department over a dead man's. Oh wait! Dead men can't talk, can they? By the time I'm done with you, you'll be crying like a bitch." The whiskered teen spoke with a malicious smile as his two female friends discreetly reached for their respective weaponry. Ready to kill the Ex-Shinobi if he tried to attack. The blonde then turned his attention over to the blonde woman as he adopted a more charming form of smile

"Mebuki Haruno? So sorry for ruining your anniversary. Any way I can make it up to you? And I have to say... you seem to be far more trustworthy and even tempered than your husband. I think I might come to like you. Maybe your daughter too, if she wasn't a screeching fangirl." Naruto spoke, addressing Mebuki for the first time as he came from around the table and kissed her on the hand, making her blush a bit at him for being so... well... forward.

"There's no need for you to be dragged down with your husband. I bear no ill intentions for you after all. I'll tell you what, why don't you drop by my home sometime, then we can discuss a business deal that will let you make a living for yourself and your daughter." The whiskered teen spoke as he gave her a wink and pulled out a business card, turning over her hand and placing the card into her palm before gently pushing her fingers closed around it. The blonde woman babbled something then muttered a word of thanks as her face became a dark pink color.

Kizashi's eyes bulged at the scene, almost looking ready to pop out of his head as he violently shook with anger. With a snarl, he yanked on his wife's arm and left with her. Very much eager to put some distance between himself and the demon brat, and to plot his revenge. As the Haruno's left, Revy grumbled a bit and spoke "Goddamnit. I got all dressed up, and there wasn't even any bloodshed. What a fucking killjoy."

"Relax Revy. With men like Kizashi, when their pride has been battered and bruised, they'll be very likely to do something stupid. Besides... that card I handed over wasn't necessarily meant for Mebuki-san... it was meant for him. Now he'll be coming to us. On our home turf." The blonde boy stated and then let out a sinister chuckle that sent chills down the purple haired women's spines.

"Damn. Savage." Anko muttered as she took another sip of booze. Already knowing that this was all a set-up to infuriate Kizashi and lure him into some kind of a trap. And Revy was grinning widely, while she was far from a master of deception, she had to hand it to her boss for being such a manipulative little bastard. Hopefully she'd be getting some much desired violence and killing in soon.

 **Later that night.**

"So this is the place?" Asked a man with orange hair as he observed the estate, the question being directed to himself seeing that he was currently alone. This was Fu Yamanaka, an aide to Danzo Shimura, Fu had been unexpectedly called by Kizashi not too long ago the pink haired Man saying he had a job lined up that could earn Danzo's favor and secure Konoha's military might. So he had come out here to see what this whole affair was about.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. I practically had to drag these two out of their beds." The voice of Kizashi spoke, now donning his old Shinobi gear, which was a rare sight. Standing behind him were the forms of the Academy Teachers Iruka and Mizuki, who both still had half-asleep expressions on their faces as they tried to wake up and be more alert.

"It's fine. I got here not too long ago. Now, what's this all about?" Fu asked with a raised eyebrow, crossing his arms and hoping that this wasn't a waste of his time.

"Right. This mansion is where the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki has been living. He gave my wife some card, and it had the exact address on it. The little brat wants to ruin me! To drive me out of the business! I checked in with my favorite banks, and as soon as they heard my voice, they laughed at me and hanged up. My worst fears are confirmed now. If something isn't done about that demonic shitstain, my finances will go under very soon and I'll lose everything! So, if the brat were to vanish and be placed into ROOT, then all my problems would go away and Danzo would finally have the most powerful Bijuu in his possession. I think that's a fair trade, yes?" Kizashi explained with a triumphant grin as he pulled a Kunai from its holster.

"I see. Very well then, the Kyuubi's capture would help further ROOT's goals. But what are those two doing here?" The Yamanaka asked, pointing towards the two Chunin who were now finally awake and aware.

"Extra muscle to ensure things don't go wrong. The brat might have some bodyguards handy, one of them was getting all buddy-buddy with Anko Mitarashi earlier. They've been on my payroll for some time, Mizuki's job has been to help Sasuke-kun at the Academy, and Iruka was meant to sabotage the Kyuubi boy, but it seems that damned Uzumaki's smarter than you'd think." The pink haired man explained, earning nods from the two teachers, with Fu also nodding in understanding.

"With that said, Iruka, you go around the back. Mizuki and Fu, you'll take the side entrance over that way. I'll come in through the front and we'll comb our way through the mansion till we find the boy. If someone sees or attacks you, kill them. We don't want anyone squealing to the Hokage and screwing everything for us." Kizashi spoke, prompting the others to nod as they took off in their designated directions.

Iruka swallowed hard as he ran towards the back way, his heart thumping in his chest as he finally gained an oppurtunity to avenge his long-lost parents. It didn't matter to him what happened to Naruto, so long as he got the justice he deserved. The Scarred Chunin came up to the backdoor and pulled out a pair of senbon to begin picking at the lock with, placing an ear against the doorframe to listen to the locking mechanisms as he fiddled around with the inner workings.

He paused when he heard footsteps approaching and saw a young girl who was ghostly white from head to toe, even her hair was all white. An albino probably, dressed in a skin-tight bodysuit and big brown mittens on her hands. One of her hands was brought up to her face as she yawned sleepily and spoke "A visitor? It's too late for visitors. Come back tomorrow and..." before she could finish speaking, the Chunin lunged at her and stabbed her in the stomach with his kunai.

Droplets of blood fell to the ground as Iruka muttered to her as he felt her body start to go slack "I'm sorry." He tried to pull his Kunai out but found that he couldn't move, then pain started to shoot up his arm when he realized that it was trapped in a vice-like grip. The sounds of bones starting to crack as he yelped out in pain.

"Nope. Shiro won't forgive you, even if you say sowwy. You did a bad thing. You hurt Shiro. It's not nice to hurt people that haven't tried to hurt you. You're a bad person. And Senpai told Shiro not to let bad people into his house." The girl who kept calling herself 'Shiro' spoke as she looked up to the Chunin with her burning crimson orbs that seemed to glow more intensely in the moonlight, her sweet and bubbly smile turning into one filled with venom and sadistic intentions. She twisted the Chunin's arm causing a loud snapping noise, and before there ever came a scream... there was a loud crash that startled the birds from the trees.

Shiro now stared blankly at a grisly scene, Iruka was now slumped against the wall, blood spattered everywhere as a network of spiderweb like cracks was formed where he had impacted against the wall, his arm now looking like a blackened twizzler. "That's a lot of blood from a wimpy looking guy. Shiro hates bad people. Shiro won't let bad people hurt Senpai." She muttered as she stepped closer and planted a foot against the Chunin's head as though she were planning to crush it like a grape or a roach underfoot.

Iruka's eyes snapped open as he screamed "EVERYONE RUN AWAY! THIS PLACE ISN'T NORMAL!" with a soft grunt, Shiro smashed her foot into his face causing it to almost explode with a crunch, blood and brain matter spilling out as she pulled her foot away and spoke "You shouldn't scream like that. You'll wake up Senpai. Shiro will kill all the bad people." she then turned on her heel and marched off in search of the others that Iruka had called out to, her bloodied foot that still had bits of brain matter stuck to it, making a small squish sound with every step.

 **Inside the Mansion.**

"Was that Iruka-san screaming just now?" Mizuki muttered to himself as he thought he had heard his longtime partner scream something. Shrugging, he followed closely behind Fu as they crept along the hallways, checking from room to room to in attempts to find their target. No luck just yet, it was very likely though, that the bedrooms were on the second floor. As they continued on their way, their noses caught the scent of something... it smelled like burning incense.

Wisps of smoke coming from around the corner as they looked inside and saw what seemed to be some kind of a small chapel. A lone nun was lighting candles while humming something to herself. The two Ninjas looked to each other and nodded in silent agreement to kill a potential witness as they drew their Kunai and began to sneak inside the Chapel... only for the doors behind them to slam shut as a girl with orange hair and a dog-like creature now stood in the way, blocking the Ninja's exit.

The nun then chuckled almost mockingly and spoke "Here to confess your sins? You here to make your peace with God? To ask him to forgive you of all your wrongdoings? Sorry to disappoint but... I don't represent God. And frankly, I don't think he'll very much care what we do to little shits like you." The blonde nun, known as Eda raised her Glock and fired, hitting Fu in the leg, making him yell out in pain as he clutched at the wound.

Mizuki tried searching for another way out, his mind in over-drive, but there were no windows to leap out of... and the only way out was through that other girl and her weird dog. With a desperate battle cry, he charged at the two in front of the entryway, pulling a Giant Shuriken that was strapped to his back. "Ara, look at that Coro-kun. A villain is charging at us and screaming like a boar. Coro... kill!" The girl spoke, and on command, the dog creature grew to an enormous size and leapt at the Chunin, its mouth wide open revealing rows of razor sharp teeth.

When the jaws of Coro snapped shut, there was no scream, just a quick splash of blood as the only remains of the Chunin left was a severed arm, still holding a giant Shuriken. Fu couldn't help but stare in absolute horror when he saw Mizuki being devoured like that, with Eda creeping closer as she placed the barrel of her gun to his head. "When I said I was sorry about disappointing... I lied. My bad. Lying's a sin." Eda spoke as she pulled the trigger and fired, causing a fine spray of blood and bone to come from Fu's head.

 **Elsewhere.**

"Something's not right about this." Muttered Kizashi as he made his way up to the second floor, via stairs in the main lobby. He grimaced as he looked at a large portrait of Kushina Uzumaki herself, the picture almost smiling in a mocking way that made his skin crawl. Even from beyond the grave, or wherever she was now, Kushina would continue to meddle in his affairs and try to destroy him. And it seemed that her son had inherited much of her personality.

Shaking his head, he stopped at the top of the stairs to briefly consider going either left or right to try finding the demon brat. Before he could make a decision, he heard the sounds of footsteps approaching, when he looked in the general direction of the noise... he spotted the blonde boy who was currently wearing a set of crimson pajamas. "Thought I heard a rat. You breathe and walk much too loudly to be called a Shinobi anymore. I could have easily shot you in the dark if I wanted." The blonde spoke as he approached at a slow and deliberate pace, one of his revolvers in hand as he playfully spun the six-shooter around his finger.

"Heh. You just saved me the trouble of having to find you." Kizashi retorted as he reached for his Ninja tool pouch... only for a gunshot to ring out and a splash of blood came. The pink haired man screamed as he clutched his injured hand, which was now sporting a large hole where the palm used to be.

"Correction. You're the one that saved me the trouble. I was just out and about to use the bathroom and take a piss, and here I find you trespassing in my lovely home. By right, I can kill you, legally. And no one can say a word about it. What do you take me for? Some attention starved retard with a White Knight and Savior complex that shouts 'believe it' or 'Hokage' all the time? Sorry, but I have been raised by hardened Ex-military type mobsters. I'm not some little punk-ass brat that you can bully behind the scenes." Naruto spoke with a satisfied smile, still spinning his revolver around his finger without a care in the world.

"Wha... what're you going to do to me?" Kizashi whimpered, his injured hand shaking as he held it gingerly, tears threatening to leak out his eyes.

"Didn't I tell you back at the Golden Leaf? I am going to make you cry like a bitch. But for now, I guess I'll have to do what any sane, law-abiding citizen would do when someone breaks into one's home. Call the proper authorities." The whiskered teen spoke as he pointed towards a purple haired girl with a Katana was now picking up and dialing a telephone number, making Kizashi wonder when she had gotten over there.

"You're fucking done old man. Your time is over. Don't you worry, I'm pretty sure that my associate Anko-chan can find you a nice, dark, damp cell with lots of sodomites to keep you company for the rest of your short life." Naruto stated with a triumphant smile. With a panicked scream, Kizashi ran towards the front doors.

Lightning flashed in the sky as rain began to fall, and the Uzumaki mansions doors flew open...

 **Later.**

"... And that's how it happened." Naruto spoke, giving his testimony to one Ibiki, who was jotting down the statements of all the Uzumaki estate's residents. And they had all given the same story. Kizashi and three other men all attempted to break into their home and they killed the intruders in self-defense, with Kizashi himself having escaped when one Saeko Bushijima called the authorities.

So far, the deceased were identified as Iruka Umino, and his partner Mizuki who was identified thanks to fingerprints from the severed arm, and Fu Yamanaka. "I see. Any particular reason why these men wanted to do harm to you?" Ibiki asked almost tiredly as he rubbed his temples a bit.

"Not sure about the others, but recently I've been in the process of buying out Kizashi's businesses and we had a confrontation in the Golden Leaf... which I now also own. It was there that he first openly threatened me. Anko, Revy, and Mebuki-san are all witnesses to that. Ask them yourself." The whiskered teen replied with a shrug and then scratched at his cheek with a small yawn.

"I see. Thanks for your cooperation, and sorry that this happened to you. I'll have some Anbu stationed outside the Haruno household in case he turns up. Though I'm thinking that the coward's going to skip town and go on the run. Good riddance if you ask me. The bastard's been nothing but trouble since he became the Civilian Council Head." The Scarred man replied as he pocketed his notepad and gestured for his Chunin helpers to take away the remains towards the morgue.

"I'm going to need to file a report and give it to the Hokage, given the circumstances of this incident. I'll be in touch if we need anything else from you." The T&I specialist spoke as he and his men departed for the night with their investigation now concluded. The blonde nun, Eda ushered them all outside and then closed the doors behind them with a grin.

"That was fun boss. I hope we can do that again." Eda spoke as she crossed her arms under her bust, with Seryu and Coro saluting to Naruto. Although in the background, Revy didn't seem too happy and was muttering to herself that she didn't get to shoot anyone.

"No doubt we will be doing it more. We still need to tie up some loose ends though. In the morning I want everyone to hunt down all the gangs and thugs in Konoha. It's only a matter of time before someone gets the bright idea of banding them all together and forms a legit Yakuza gang, and I don't want to deal with anything like that down the road. Oh, and get me Sawyer. I have a job for her." The whiskered teen stated as the feline assassin Leone approached with a large suitcase in hand, all of his subordinates now having fiendish grins.

 **A short while later.**

The sounds of running water could be heard as one Sawyer the Cleaner was now donning surgical gear, complete with goggles, thick rubber gloves and a face mask, all of which hid her actual appearance from most people. With several squeaks and turns of a knob, the water was now shut off as she picked up her favorite chainsaw and wiped it down a bit. A small part of her knowing it'd be counter-productive to clean it, only to use it on some poor bastard. But as a professional, she held her tools to a certain standard.

The backdoor opened and her boss stepped inside her new workshop with a broad smile as he wheeled in a large suitcase behind him. "Sorry if I kept you waiting. How do you like the new workshop?" He asked her as he approached with a happy spring in each and every step.

Sawyer reached up to her neck, and spoke with the help of her electro-larynx "It is a bit smaller than... back home. But that is okay... I have everything... I need here. What can I... do for you, boss?" she asked him with a raised eyebrow, hoping that she could cut someone to pieces.

With a smirk, the whiskered teen popped open the suitcase to reveal a bound and gagged Kizashi, looking up at them with fear filled eyes. "That whole 'Kizashi got away' bit was a lie. If he was confirmed deceased amongst his lackeys, then his followers on the Civilian Council would have scrambled to put a new replacement in his seat to keep their current positions. But if they think the bastard's still alive, then they'll sit and wait for his return. Which will give us plenty of time to put a puppet of our own on the Civilian Council." He explained with a large grin, thankful that his godmother had taught him to always keep a step ahead of his enemies to plan his moves in advance if it is possible.

"I see. Politics and stuff... don't hold much meaning... to me. I am... just a cleaner. My job is to... clean up the trash. Not ask... questions. Anything special... you want me to do... to Kizashi?" Sawyer asked in her electronic voice as she began pulling the chord to start up her signature chainsaw.

"I'll leave that to you. But once you're done butchering this idiot, be sure to send portions of his meat to his ass-kissing subordinates on the Civilian Council. Oh... and send an especially big cut over to Sasuke Uchiha as an anonymous 'gift'." The blonde boy requested with a chuckle, making their soon-to-be-murdered captive look between them in horror.

"No problem. But why... the Uchiha kid?" Sawyer asked with a raised eyebrow, not really seeing any point to that. While she didn't often ask questions in her line of work... sometimes she was just a bit curious.

"Sasuke called my birth mother a cheap whore and bitch when I first arrived at the Academy." He replied as if it were all the reason he needed to turn the Uchiha into an unwitting Cannibal.

"That is... just petty." The Cleaner replied with a small-sweat drop forming on her head.

"Sure it is. And I don't care. When you are raised into and live in a town where you can be murdered for pocket change, or stabbed for no apparent reason, a place like Roanupur for example... your moral compass is pretty much fucked." The blonde replied almost uncaringly making the Cleaner nod in response as her chainsaw came to life with a loud rumble sound. The blade coming close to Kizashi as he wept uncontrollably, and a dark yellow spot forming in his underwear.

"If there was ever a time to cry like a bitch... this'd be it. Nice knowing you Kizashi, I'll be sure to take good care of your wife and kid." Naruto spoke as he walked off with a cheerful whistling tune escaping his lips as he marched off. The sounds of Kizashi's screams, flesh tearing and blood spattering being music to his ears. Yup... it was going to be fun starting up his own criminal empire. And the Elemental Nations was like an Extra Thicc Virgin just begging for a good and hard fuck to light up her life.

 **End chapter one.**

 **Omake: Balalaika's parenthood. (Scene one.)**

"Is there really anything that can prepare you for parenthood?" Muttered the form of Balalaika, as she tried to feed the infant Naruto. A downcast expression on her face as he seemed to be somewhat fussy right now. Her subordinate, Boris watching the scene with an amused expression.

"I highly doubt that Captain. It would seem though, that you need a different plan of attack." He suggested with a small smile as he crossed his arms. Finding it interesting in seeing his Commanding Officer and Pakhan* having to learn through trial and error about raising a child.

The blonde woman grimaced as she wondered how she could get him to eat... and then a light bulb seemingly blinked over her head as she smirked a bit and spoke in a sickly sweet voice "Here comes the yum-yum truck. Delivering food to boot camp... troops lining up to have at the new MRE's." She spoke, bringing the spoon of baby food over to the boy's mouth, only for him to squirm as though he were trying to get away.

"Oh no! Unauthorized Entry! Guns up! Shoot that motherfucker! Bullets fly all around and kill the driver! Oh dear god! It's a raid! The enemy took advantage of the confusion! Suicide bombers come running over the hills! The troops take aim, but mortars fire and impact against the ground! Bodies fly in the air, arms and legs littered about in the sand. The Medic is trying to keep the Colonel's intestines from spilling out! The private is picking up his arm off the ground, screaming in agony!

Another explosion appears next to a porta-potty, the guy inside snaps his neck and passes out in his own shit. It's carnage! Bloody fucking carnage! The troops demand to know why, why would God allow such a thing?! Why couldn't they enjoy one last good meal? OHHHHHHH, the humanity!" She shouted woefully until Naruto began to cry, leaving his mouth wide open, giving Balalaika the chance to put the spoon into his mouth and make him eat up his food.

When she pulled it back, a now victorious smile was on her face as the boy blinked his eyes in an almost animated fashion. "Here comes the yum-yum truck." She spoke again, and this time, the boy obediently opened his mouth with an 'Ah' sound. In the background, Boris couldn't believe his eyes that his Pakhan had managed to achieve such a feat. For some reason... he had a feeling the boy was going to be just fine in her care.

 **End Omake.**

 **Pakhan*: Title for leadership of the Russian Mafia.**

 **Bratva*: Another name of the Russian Mafia, 'Brotherhood'.**

 **Anime girl list:**

 **Revy, Eda, Balalaika, and Sawyer the Cleaner. (Black Lagoon.**

 **General Esdeath, Seryu, and Leone. (Akame ga Kill.)**

 **Lucy. (Elfen Lied.**

 **Yuno Gasai. (Mirai Nikki/Future Diary.)**

 **Shiro/Aka. (Deadman Wonderland.)**

 **Shoko Sugimoto. (Umemaro series.)**

 **Saeko Bushijima. (High School of the Dead.)**

 **Himiko Toga. (My Hero Academia.)**

 **and Kuroko Koumori. (Murcielago.)**


End file.
